Today I was shopping at the local members only coop and I got to talking to some of the other members I enjoy visiting with. They told me another member had lost her son. I always hate that when people say “lost”. We know exactly where they are, they just aren’t here anymore. I know where my son is, I just can’t see him walking or talking anymore. I have to FEEL it. So we talked about death and loss and I told them about this site. I felt myself getting achy and I knew my grief was welling up but I just wanted more privacy and I left it for the time being.
Later when I was in bed and my kids were in bed I realized I was hurting and I was angry. I felt so sad that another mother has to go through what I have been struggling through. I felt so sad, remembering how hard it was then and still is now. I felt sad remembering how friends gathered around to help… for about a week. Then I was at the mercy of strangers from my spiritual home. Occasionally a friend would bring me a meal or hold me when I cried. I got support from grief groups but most of my grief has been private.
Why on earth does our culture push us to be SO INDEPENDENT? Is this really helpful for us? I don’t think so. Why is it so unacceptable to wear our hearts on our sleeves? Wouldn’t it be easier to understand each other if we were more comfortable with each other’s pain and sadness. Wouldn’t it then be easier to us to return to joy?
I find that when I am able to go to my grief, or allow it to come to me, when I accept it like a friend and join with it and allow myself to cry, I can then sleep. I can feel the heartache dissipate. I can feel the peace return. I know I will feel the pain again yet I don’t have to suffer. I don’t have to feel it all the time.
Anyone out there who has experienced the death of someone they love, I offer you my blessing of peace and joy intermixed with the sadness you surely feel…