This week has been much easier as I have been working to manifest joy. I have been reading “The Miracle Morning” and although I have found it a review, it has been a good review and has helped me be more dilligent with my positive visualizations.
Last week was more difficult. Perhaps it was the earlier part of this week and it just feels further away!! As I suffered in my grief regarding my son, now dead 18 months, I reached out to him, saying “show me coins with your date of birth and date of death!”
I didn’t find any.
I sensed him telling me to check the old coins. The coins I had found in the early months after he died. I went to check my pockets. I never did spend those coins, but just left them in my pockets to feel. They reminded me that Shawheen is close by even though I can’t see him. I laid those coins out under my skylight in my kitchen to see the dates clearly. The first coins I found, in the pocket of his old fleece read: 1985, 1985, 1985, 2015, 2015…
Those were his date of birth three times and date of death two times over.
It seemed clear that since I had never looked at them for dates before, he quit sending those important dates to me. He had sent them initially. Maybe he didn’t want to remind me. It brings tears to my eyes now, and crying, seeing those dates. It was such a short life! He always tells me: “I want you to be happy, Mom!”
