When people grieve, they experience many different emotions and physical symptoms. Grief can manifest in a huge variety of ways from sadness to anger, from fatigue to agitation, from dull aches to searing pain. All of it is real and it can be confusing.
When sleep is evasive, if I haven’t yet grieved in any major way, I try to face it some how. I may look at pictures, talk to him in my mind, and cry. At some point in the process I will often ask him to show me a miracle. Sometimes I get frustrated because on the one hand I didn’t notice the miracle, and on the other hand no miracle is what I really want. Of course what I want is him back on earth.
Miracles are different to everyone. We may all have our own definition of what qualifies as a miracle. Many days now I find a penny or a dime and I think to myself: “Thanks Shawheen”, but I don’t really feel like it is a miracle and yet part of me believes it is related somehow. A few days ago I was hiking up the hill behind my house and I found 35 turkey feathers, many of them large tail feathers. I asked myself is this a gift from the spirit world or are the turkeys just molting? Yet I have never seen that many feathers before in my life! I have seen one, two, seven once, never more. So I guess I lean towards miracle over coincidence.
Another day I found four pennies. They were in the shape of a diamond. Four pennies beat out coincidence for me and I thanked my son, or the spirit world for those pennies and I get this goofy image of my son in his adult body with the giddiness of himself at about three years old. Thanks again! Watch for things in your own life! Watch for things that seem to be quite the serendipity! Too much to be just coincidence. Consider the odds…
Now people tell me: “It’s been over a year don’t you think it is time to let him go?” Others say: “In my culture people believe that after a year you have to let them go…” Something about my grief holding the spirit down or something like that. I asked my son about that. He said, “No, Mom, we are always available to you and happy to help. I love you. Part of my job here as a spirit is to be there for you. I can grow as a spirit through your grief work as a physical being. I can learn and evolve through you!” So I don’t buy what other people say. I keep my grief to myself except here. I hope this site will be a source of help to others who grieve as so many of us physical beings do.