Have you ever gone through a particularly difficult time, a death, a loss, an injury, and wished for your spirit guides to be there to help you? Have you ever longed for a miracle? Have you ever felt intense sadness? Have you ever struggled to just get through the next few minutes or hour? How did you get through? What helped you cope? What miracle have you experienced? Would you share with us here?
This last week has been difficult for me as the anniversary of my son’s death passed, his birthday passed with no son to celebrate it with, and while my sadness intensified there was no one who knew him that I could share stories with. I went for a walk to try to process through the grief, picked up soft turkey feathers and wished for a miracle, but nothing happened. The feathers are nice, but I was hoping for something more, something astonishing.
I came back from that walk, carrying my grief with me like a heavy suitcase, weighing me down, tiring me, making me feel heavy. I had made it clear to my thirteen-year-old that it was his night to cook. He had the ground lamb out, waiting for the recipe, so I got my recipe box out of the cupboard, reaching for the L’s. “They’re backwards!” I thought maybe not, maybe I just need to turn the box around. I tried that. Then all the recipes started from Z and went to A. That would never do. It would drive me crazy. They hadn’t been like this before, but A to Z they were all backwards.
“This isn’t funny, Shawheen!” I said irritably. “If this is your miracle, it’s not funny!” I felt irritable with my grief. I started turning each letter and their recipes around the right way so I could see them A to Z.
I get this hazy image of Shawheen in my mind, his bright brown eyes, laughing smile, his one raised eyebrow. “You just don’t have a good sense of humor!” He says to me and HE’S laughing.
At the time I was irritated. Now I get the humor. I got my miracle that day. I just didn’t like it very much!