In a recent meditation, I realized that the connection between our emotional struggles and spiritual growth has always been at the core of my writing. Because that connection wasn’t completely clear to me, I couldn’t articulate it clearly to others. I don’t claim to be an authority on spiritual growth. However, I am a psychotherapist with 26 years of experience in treating mood and anxiety disorders, and have published research in this area. My clinical expertise is grounded in decades of direct work with individuals navigating depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, and grief.
Many people struggle to differentiate depression from grief, and to distinguish between clinically diagnosable depression and situational depression. I will begin by clarifying these distinctions, then exploring how these experiences relate to spirituality.
Situational Depression vs. Clinical Depression
Situational depression refers to depressive symptoms that arise in response to identifiable life events. These situations may include the death of a loved one, loss of employment, relocation, divorce, relationship loss, or trauma.
Trauma, in particular, involves a loss of safety, stability, or identity, which can profoundly affect emotional functioning, often leading to depression in those who have a predisposition to it. A predisposition is caused by genetics. We often know we have this because a parent or grandparent had it, but this isn’t always clear.
From a diagnostic standpoint, depression is not defined by its cause but by its symptoms, severity, and duration. Depression is depression regardless of its origin. Whether triggered by life circumstances, biology, or both, a depressive episode is identifiable based on specific clinical criteria.
Core symptoms of depression include
- Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day
- Anhedonia, or a loss of interest, motivation, or pleasure in previously meaningful activities.
- Changes in appetite or weight, including increases or decreases.
- Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping)
- Feelings of worthlessness, excessive guilt, hopelessness, or helplessness
- Difficulty concentrating or making little decisions, like what to eat or wear
- Fatigue or loss of energy
- Psychomotor changes, such as restlessness, slowed movements, and quiet speech
- Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide
To meet criteria for Major Depressive Disorder, at least five of these symptoms must be present most of the day, nearly every day for at least two weeks, and must represent a change from prior functioning. At least one of the symptoms must be depressed mood or loss of interest or pleasure. Diagnosis must be made by a qualified healthcare provider.
Differentiating depression from grief
Grief is a natural response to loss, particularly the loss of a loved one. Grief can include many or all symptoms that overlap with depression, including sadness, sleep disruption, appetite changes, and difficulty concentrating. These symptoms, along with other symptoms like anxiety or panic attacks, irritability or anger, or even paradoxical symptoms like agitation and a pressure to be busy, are all normal responses to grief. The depression-like symptoms are expected in the grieving process.
However, grief and depression are not identical.
Grief tends to occur in waves. Even in deep grief, individuals may still experience moments of connection, meaning, or emotional relief. Depression, by contrast, often involves a more persistent and pervasive low mood, diminished capacity for pleasure, and a sense of emotional numbness or disconnection.
It may help to remember the phases of grief and to remember that they aren’t linear. Shock or denial, depression, anger, bargaining, and acceptance were coined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. Later, ‘finding meaning’ was a crucial addition to these phases. These phases can jump around, repeat, skip, and return as we move through them.
In clinical practice, grief is not considered Major Depressive Disorder unless the full diagnostic criteria are met and symptoms are persistent, pervasive, and impairing beyond what would be expected in a culturally and contextually appropriate grieving process.
It is also important to emphasize that there is no fixed “timeline” for grief. Grief is deeply individual. Some people experience intense symptoms for months or years, which can still fall within the spectrum of normal grief. Depression may be diagnosed when depressive symptoms become persistent, severe, and impair daily functioning in a way that extends beyond the typical pattern of bereavement. Most specifically, all day, daily, persistent grief that continues beyond two months becomes a depression diagnosis. This does not mean that a person can’t grieve for years without it being outside the norm. They just wouldn’t grieve all day long.
Both experiences are valid. Both deserve compassion and support.
The Emotional and Spiritual Dimension
Whether one interprets emotional suffering in spiritual terms is deeply personal.
Some individuals view depression and grief solely through a psychological or biological lens. Others experience these states as part of a broader spiritual journey.
From a psychological perspective, emotional pain often invites reflection. People may develop greater empathy, deeper appreciation for meaningful relationships, and increased awareness of what matters most to them. Many people report that working through depression or grief strengthens resilience and deepens their capacity for compassion.
When my son died 10 years ago, shattering my heart and leaving me utterly broken, I realized as I healed that nothing would ever hurt that badly and that if I could live through that, I could survive anything. I had always been a deeply empathic person, but after that, I became a true empath, understanding the grief and needs of others at a much deeper level.
From a spiritual perspective, some of us experience emotional hardship as a catalyst for inner growth, transformation, or connection to something larger than ourselves. Others do not experience it this way. Both perspectives are valid. As we grow through our grief, we may experience greater compassion for others or gratitude for something in our lives that is helping us through it. Likely, there is a lesson in it. Maybe it is to notice how grateful we are when it lifts or to learn what we can do to lift it. For many people, depression makes us feel separate from spirit and lowers our vibration enough that we are less likely to notice serendipitous events or miraculous things in our environment. Grief may allow us to heal our shattered hearts in a way that fills the cracks with more love, raising our vibrations. This helps us see serendipitous events as they happen.
Depression, in particular, can create a sense of disconnection from others, from oneself, and, for those who hold spiritual beliefs, from their sense of spiritual connection. As depression lifts, they often report a renewed sense of happiness, clarity, and motivation.
Grief can also deepen emotional and spiritual awareness. In my clinical work, over more than two decades, many grieving persons have described experiences they interpret as meaningful signs, symbolic connections, or moments of profound inner knowing. I’ve had clients see their loved ones, talk to them, or meet them in dreams. These experiences can be deeply comforting and likely help my clients and others integrate loss into their ongoing lives.
One published account of such experiences appears in The Hand On The Mirror: A True Story of Life Beyond Death by Janis Heaphy Durham, in which the author describes her experiences following the death of her husband. Regardless of how one interprets such experiences, their emotional impact on the bereaved is often significant and meaningful. Many of my clients have experienced a mother’s hug (after death), the sensation of having their spouse sit on the bed near them, a meaningful bird land on their windowsill.
Personal and Professional Integration
My professional work has always been grounded in clinical science, evidence-based treatment, and compassion. My personal experiences with loss have also shaped my understanding of grief and healing in ways that extend beyond clinical training alone.
I always knew that emotional hardship, whether understood psychologically, spiritually, or both, could become part of a process of integration and growth. Now, I understand that these offer an option to develop a more enlightened understanding of the world. Learning to understand depression and grief, developing tools to manage emotional pain, and finding meaning in one’s experience can help individuals move toward healing.
For some, this process includes spiritual interpretation. For others, it involves psychological insight, relationships, purpose, or personal resilience. There is no single, correct framework.
What matters most is that the bereaved or depressed receive understanding, support, and effective care.
Deeply Personal Experiences
My personal experiences were broad, from finding coins with his date of birth and death on them, to having items vanish and reappear. I’ve experienced lights blinking that shouldn’t, my car radio not working, and then working again. The list goes on and on. He began talking to me early on after his death. I didn’t believe it at first, but he’d interrupt my thoughts. I’d continue my thought while his interrupted idea would be completed, both ideas at the same time, like he was talking on top of me. I couldn’t recreate that on my own. I couldn’t make it up!
He has also guided me in this area. Early on, he convinced me to write, urged me to complete a research study, and get it published. That was a difficult process because I do not have a PhD, so I wasn’t trained in how to do research. Fortunately, I worked for a research institute, so I learned some there, and with a mentor, I got it done.
A week or more ago, I got the idea from AI that I needed to just focus on writing about depression, not anxiety, not bipolar disorder, not grief, and not spirituality. This idea was supported by a friend taking a class in advertising and the man who created my website. I felt a distinct contraction inside of me at this idea. I shut down. If I can’t write what matters to me, I won’t write at all. But my son sent me two messages to urge me to keep writing. One was the message that my guidance must not come from my brain, but from my heart. If I contract with a sense of anxiety or discouragement, that means that it is not aligned with my purpose. If I feel expanded, then it is aligned. So, contraction is no, expansion is yes.
The other message helped me connect all the various parts of my website into one string: our hardships help connect us to spirit if that is a path we choose. Learning to manage our hardships and feel better will help us on the path of getting closer to Spirit. Understanding the myriad of ways that Spirit communicates with us can help us recognize when we’re experiencing spiritual communication. Our struggles and hardships are a path, an option, that can lead us to a more spiritually enlightened and joyful life.
Closing Reflection
Depression and grief are among the most difficult emotional experiences human beings face. They can feel isolating, overwhelming, and disorienting. Yet, with appropriate support, clinical relations, and, for many, spiritual growth, healing is possible.
Understanding the nature of depression and grief helps reduce confusion and self-blame. It allows individuals to recognize that what they are experiencing is human, understandable, and treatable.
For those who hold spiritual beliefs or those who don’t yet, emotional hardship may also become part of a broader journey of meaning and connection. For others, healing may emerge through therapy, relationships, and personal growth.
There is no single path forward. There is only the path that helps each person move, little by little, toward healing.
Buy Evasion, the first apocalypse book that teaches you how to cope with grief: https://ericalhernandez.com/ (scroll down a little, please.)
Join our mailing list on the contact Erica page to learn about future postings here: https://ericalhernandez.com/contact-erica/ and
#depressionvsgrief, #griefsupport, #spiritualgrowth, #mentalhealthandspirituality, #Healingfromloss