Grief process/grief symptoms

Grief has a clear beginning but no clear end.  It is a journey full of curves and changes.  As we age and we change, we may look at grief differently and we may grieve differently, yet the journey of grief may continue…  With our greater age and maturity, we may have new perspective from which to approach our grief.

Grief can manifest itself in a large variety of ways. It can include many feelings:

  • The most obvious of all are sadness and depression.
  • It can also come up as anger and irritability or frustration.
  • It can make you tired and sluggish.
  • It may make you lose interest in things you used to enjoy. It can make it hard to find joy.
  • You might feel guilty.
  • You may feel anxious.
  • You may feel deep loneliness.
  • Some feel ambivalent.
  • Some feel abandoned.
  • Others feel numb.
  • Others feel a sense of pining or longing.
  • There may be shock.
  • One may feel helpless or hopeless.
  • Some feel relief.

It can include physical sensations:

  • It can create pain or tightness in the chest/heartache, or almost any other place on the body. Mothers who have lost a child even experience pain in their ovaries and uterus.
  • Some feel sluggish and tired.
  • Or the opposite: agitated and restless.
  • One might feel hollow in the stomach or hungry.
  • One might have tightness in the throat.
  • One may feel breathless.
  • Some feel weak.
  • You may have dry mouth.
  • You may cry.
  • Some may develop illnesses, like coughs or colds, muscle or joint pain. This is not an exhaustive list.  The immune system is weakened by the shock of death.

Grief can impact one’s thoughts/cognitions:

  • It can be difficult to think or concentrate.
  • You may be more forgetful.
  • Some are preoccupied with their lost loved one.
  • Some become quite negative in their thinking patterns.
  • It can cause reduced self-esteem.
  • Some may not be able to believe or accept the death.
  • Some experience bewilderment.
  • It can cause one to lose their concern for themselves or others.

Grief impacts our behaviors:

  • We may get restless and unable to sit still.
  • We may withdraw from others or others may withdraw from us.
  • It can make it hard to sleep or hard to stay awake.

There are lots of paradoxical manifestations of grief.  This is far from a complete list.  It is  just a beginning to help you get started understanding your grief process.  People say you should be done but only you know if you’ll ever be done.  Grief comes in waves.  Sometimes you may feel like you’re drowning, at others it may recede, only to roll in again and catch you unawares.  The best way to handle it is let it be with you, hold it, cradle it almost and listen with your heart.  Care for it in a way that suits you.  That may be writing, singing, running, karate, hiking in the mountains, crying or screaming.  Meditation is good too.  Many things can help.  We can create the intention that our grief is going into our footsteps when we walk and that can help.  We can metaphorically weed out bits of grief.  Find your own way!

Please remember: it is not only the death of a loved one which can pour grief upon us.  Many losses leave us with grief.  This may be the loss of our innocence, loss of a career, or loss of a marriage/relationship.  This could be most any significant loss.

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