Two hearts… that beat as one… Just kidding! So can you see from the foto that now the first heart is back? And in the shade of the right leg, now there is a second heart? The hole has always been there but it began to look like a second heart when the other heart returned.
When I noticed the second heart I sensed Shawheen in my head saying, “One is you and one is me!”
I still have bad nights with grief sometimes. Sometimes it comes out and I am able to cry, even for extended periods, leaving me calmer and allowing the pain in my chest to dissipate. Those of you who are mothers with grief also know of the pain in the ovaries or other parts of the female anatomy. That pain also goes away when I am able to cry. Some nights the tears don’t come easily but the grief keeps me awake with anger or other feelings. Tonight is one of those times. Sometimes writing about it helps the tears come, after that tiredness will return, and sleep will follow. I share this in the hopes that my awareness will help others who are struggling with grief.
I reach for things like the two hearts to help me see, both with my physical eyes and with my inner eye, that he is still here. I miss him so much, not seeing him here physically. I Love him so much. Although it has been 11/2 years, I still feel shocked at times, unable to believe that he is really gone. My Shawheenjun is gone. We called him that when he was a baby because he is half Iranian and jun is a term of affection in Farci. So he will always be my Shawheenjun.